| Current mood: |  worried |
Dreams...
I have always found dreams to be strange everyone is different and some can be so real until we wake. others fade from memory before the dawn ever comes. For me dreams have always been like a play that I am in they are real enough but in the end my actions are my own and I know I am playing a part. if I chose the dream changes or ends but they bend to my will if I chose. however there are those that I can not change the "weird dreams" some of which have been reoccurring sense I was a child and other well for lack of a better explanation tell me what is to come. I know sounds weird maybe my subconscious is just telling me what my mind will not admit right. However these dreams never really are about me for example I had a dream that my friends mother was going to have a daughter and sure enough a week later my mom tells me that she just got a call from my friends mother she just found out she was pregnant and sure enough she had twins one girl one boy. crazy I know but that is how my life goes. well recently my dreams have been pledged with weirdness they make no sense and I am not in control they fallow a basic trend something is wrong with someone in my family and because of that I will be put in to a situation that forces me to chose between them and myself. Needless to say I have been bugged by these dreams because of the pattern that they are fitting but also because there have been so many which is new. then last night came and a dream that not only could I not control but I could not escape I tried to wake and could not and even after I did finally wake up the dream pledged me and as I dosed off throughout the day the dream would restart exactly the same dream. The weirdest thing about this was the realness to the dream instead of a play something that seems real but I know its not this dream was beyond that when I woke up I did not know if I had actually woken up or had I gone to sleep like I did in the dream. this one also followed the trend I had to chose between my sister and my life and my friends I was really worried when I woke and have not been able to shake the feeling that something was wrong all day. Well now I know what it is my father called me up tonight he needs surgery and he will be laid up for sometime after and he needs my help, that was all he said in his message this could mean he needs me to come home soon and take care of him till he is back on his feet which could take awhile which would mean I might have to leave Durango sooner than I wanted or worse yet he could want me to take care of him for the next few months which would mean I would be on the Alaska trip with my sister working for my father so he could keep a promise but that would also mean that I would have to quit my summer job at the camp and instead of spending my last summer there I would be in Alaska and then I will have to join the real world instead of having one last great summer goofing off before hitting the real world. well one good thing did come from this whole ordeal I saw in the dream something that I can find peace in and that is that I realized that I need to find something, and that something is the one thing I have been running from my whole life and that is stability and love the kind that makes your heart leap at just the touch of a hand the kind that I had recently but was sadly one way and the kind that I found on the road but was not meant to be because of mistakes I made.
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npk33) wrote,
